Found this interesting post on another blog where a potential bicyclist complains quite harshly about the discomfort of the bicycle seat. It’s not a ‘barrier’ I’ve seen come up in previous discussions, which tend to focus on infrastructure and policy and it was quite passionate, so I thought I would cross post it.
It would be interesting to look into the challenge of self-image and comfort on the bicycle, particularly for people who are, well, a bit ‘bigger’ shall we say. I suspect many of them feel quite self conscious on a bicycle and find it uncomfortable for many reasons. You certainly don’t see many on the road. Bicycling seems to fit into a broader narrative about his issues with self image and struggles to lose weight and become healthier.
Ok, I admit it… I own a bicycle… even though I havent seen it in over a year.. I own one. I bought it in a spurt of “health nut” craziness and thought I could ride it daily and lose weight. Oh yes, I can lose weight… I can move that bike from one house to another… from one garage to another… and Ive even ridden it a few times. I see other people riding bikes, and am often wondering how they spend time with that skinny tiny seat stuffed into the crack of their asses.
I had the “racing seat” on My bike originally, but chose a softer gel cell seat to save the ole hemaroids from getting a leather wedgie from that seat. I found that My fat ass doesnt fit in, or on one of those skinny leather, pleather, plastic, or cloth crack stuffers. I watch bikers all the time riding along with their asses impaled on that seat, and wonder how long it took before they developed callouses on their backsides and the pain of removing the seat from their asses. I found that the pleasure of the ride, was marred by the pain of removing My impaled intestines from the seat of the bike. No matter how much pleasure I derived from seeing the sites from the ease of the seat, riding slowly enjoying the scenery as it slowly marches past My eyes… which by now are tearing up badly because the seat has begun to slowly consume My testicles too. Finally I get off the bike and act like Im stretching… when in fact, Im pulling My underwear and My testicles from the crack of My ass. I mumble to Myself and anyone within a 5 mile radius… how uncomfortable it is to sit on one of these seats.. that someone needs to make a wider seat… for wider asses…
I know there are bigger seats available… but… they look like a side car for a motorcycle, not a seat for a bicycle. Of course, I wouldnt want to give up My macho look by riding on a seat built for someone in their 80′s who ride at 3 miles per hour for about a block before keeling over and dying of stress… I want a seat that looks good, fits well, and stays way from My private parts.
I used to enjoy riding a bike… but when I did, I had no other means of transportation, and I didnt really want to walk where I had to, or wanted to go… so I got to enjoy riding the bike. Back then of course… I was skinnier and in better shape than I am now… oh wait… Im in PERFECT SHAPE…. ROUND is a PERFECT shape… but as usual…. I digress again….
I think I might break out the old bike again soon… after all its only in the 90′s and the humidity is nearing 100% why not break out the one thing that will make Me sweat more than sitting in the IRS’s office?? It can even get My heart rate up that high… less quickly too Im sure.
I know I wont do it this weekend… Im on call… and if I should take out the bike, ride it, and have a heart attack and die… the boss will be PISSED. As a matter of fact… if I should have a heart attack and die… Ill bet he wouldnt talk to Me as long as I lived… so that rules out this weekend… and Im covering next week just like I am this weekend for another driver… rules out next weekend too… and go figure… the following weekend is My regular weekend on call… well damn… guess Ill have to put it off til mid August..
Maybe by then Ill be able to find a seat that fits My big ass.. but by the time I do… I will probably have won the lottery, found a cure for cancer, won the pulitzer prize, and became King of the United States… yes I am still thinking of being King….smiles… maybe if I become King… they will make Me a seat to fit My ROYAL ASS!!!
Hey… I can dream cant I??